Life in the Shadowlands

These are my confessions

2012-02-11T17:17:00.002-05:00

I am finding that I (Ange) am using this blog more and more as an emotional outlet--maybe like a journal. Maybe I shouldn't because from time to time I probably share things that are too personal, but oh well. I'm at peace with it.

There are a few things that are really bothering me right now. First off, I have gotten glimpses lately of my blatant imperfections, sinfulness, or character weaknesses (whatever you want to call it). I am learning that I am more materialistic than I originally thought. I get jealous when people have nice things and I have to settle for just okay stuff. This is embarrassing since I lived among those in poverty and desire to emulate people like Shane Claiborne who lives on so little and gives sacrificially to all. I also know very deep down that your possessions do not make you happy. I understand all this and yet I find myself jealous of people who have money and nice things. Sigh. I have also seen a very undesirable side of me--an impatient, slightly bitter, righteously indignant, legalistic side of me who cares a whole lot more about fairness than grace. Double sigh. So more things that I need to let God work on.

Also, there's been one thing really getting to me. I know a lot (and I mean A LOT) of very well meaning Christians whom I admire in every way except they are very judgmental and narrow minded. Sometimes this is politically, other times theologically, and even some times personally (like how they view/ judge individuals). Now let me say a few things. First, I understand having convictions and opinions and values and not wanting to compromise them. I also know that they have not lived my life and have not had my experiences. Therefore they are not going to think the way I do. (Even if they had my exact life they may still come to different conclusions.) Also, I know that they think they are "defending the faith" from those who have different, and I guess to them, threatening views. But this is my problem with what they say and do...what harm could love, understanding, and acceptance do? Loving everyone, trying to understand their mindset and life experience, and accepting that everyone has a right to live their life in any way they see fit does not mean agreeing with their opinions and choices. Let's consider a hypothetical situation. What if I know someone who lives a homosexual lifestyle but I believe that it is wrong? What should I do? Could it potentially harm that person to "defend my faith" by telling them that they are wrong and then shunning them because they are not walking in the light of Christian truth? Yes, I think that could do a lot of harm. Should I treat that person well, attempt to understand their life and thinking, and relinquish my need to control them, knowing that God is a big God, loves them, and is still pursuing them? Does that kind of love-focused treatment threaten my personal beliefs? I say no, it need not. What it ultimately comes down to for me is that no one person can control another, nor should they try. Everyone--YOU and ME and THEY--has one mortal life and each person gets to choose how they want to live it...drawing closer to God or farther away. That is their right, and mine, and yours. I don't think I have any right to tell someone how to live or what to believe. Now, if my opinion is solicited, that is another situation entirely. Then I have an opportunity to share what I believe is truth with that person in a loving way. I do not think it compromises the truth of Scripture to understand that others may not choose to believe it or live it out.

And on that note, I am also tired of those in church leadership considering themselves more holy, closer to God, and therefore not only allowed but given authority by God to completely disregard the opinions and thoughts of their congregations when making decisions that ultimately impact the congregation more than themselves. The church is a body, and just because someone is the head does not mean that they are more important and therefore ignore what the hand, eye, or even belly button thinks or needs. Although Paul discusses an authority structure for the church, he also instructs us to submit to one another. I am not okay with submission going only one direction, especially in a church. It is my belief that a wise and holy leader should be humble, quick to listen and slow to speak, and should not demand his or her own way. Only a weak leader feels the need to crush others under the weight of their God-given authority. I am so sick of seeing this. This is one reason I'm not smitten with the traditional "church" in our country right now.

So, there it is. This is what I am struggling with.

sometimes

2012-02-11T01:00:00.001-05:00

people suck. Goodnight.

Juice Fast Update!

2012-02-03T23:51:00.002-05:00

Today is day 21 of our juice fast, and we are surviving. I'm so glad to be almost done with this! We fell off the wagon several times but overall, this has been a healthy experiment for us. Wes is down 16 lbs and I am down 14. We feel better and are looking forward to returning to food with a much healthier attitude and some self control. Wes is working out 3 days a week and I am going to start training for my 10K that I am running in May. Hopefully Wes and I will never again see the weight we lost over this time period!

Bring on the pain

2012-01-13T22:24:00.004-05:00

Wes and I officially start our 30 day juice fast tonight. For more information, watch the documentary Fat Sick and Nearly Dead or go to www.jointhereboot.com. We are not looking forward to how hard this is going to be, but we are looking forward to losing weight and becoming healthier! Wes and I both love food and drink, so this will surely show us how addicted to our food we have become and yet, show us that we have so much more self-control than we think we do. Well, bottom's up!

First juice--apple and cabbage.

I don't know

2012-01-08T00:22:00.003-05:00

I should probably doubt the wisdom of posting quasi-late at night, the only one awake in the house, sitting in a darkened living room reflecting, but oh well. I feel like there are emotions welling up in my heart and there is no one to talk to, so I have to get them out somehow. The title of the post was supposed to be vague because to tell you the truth I feel a bit vague. I've been stuck in this indescribable haze for a couple of days and I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm struggling. So many things that seemed sure or at least a little bit solid no longer do. And this relates to so many areas of my life.

First, I am slowly beginning to realize exactly how often we are going to see family while we are out here. We will most likely see Wes's parents 2-3x a year (or more if we are lucky), my parents 1-2x a year, my extended family 1x a year, and Becca & fam 1x a year. That is tough to take. (And YES I do realize it was our decision to move out here). I am just left with a sense of alienation as I ponder this. I want my kids to have a good relationship with their family, and I worry that it will be difficult to do this way.

Second, adult friendship is so confusing to me. We are "meeting" new friends but have no one that we know well yet. There is so little pursuit on the other people's end I begin to wonder if we are like the sad pathetic geeks at a dance that girls agree to dance with just out of pity. I can't say we feel truly liked yet by anyone. And our old, beloved true friends? They are as busy as we are; there are many missed opportunities to talk, and I feel like some are slipping (or have already slipped) away for one reason or another. And I know that I cannot count on seeing their faces any time soon. My heart feels so heavy as I type those words. And once again, yes, I am aware that this too is of our own choosing. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

Third, our "church"/ faith community/ whatever. We are trying so hard to hang in there, give it a fair shake, get connected and get to know people. But there are so many things that we are deeply struggling with. So many things that do not sit. So many things that are not us. So many things that make us feel uncomfortable, afraid to be ourselves, like outsiders. I don't know what to do with that.

I know this post has been depressing, but honestly it's not really for all of you. I just had to get it out. I feel so alone, heavy, and burdened by all these things. I hope the next post finds me lighter and more at peace with the world. But for now, this is where I am.

~Angela

New Years Reflections

2011-12-31T22:34:00.002-05:00

So 2011 has been a crazy year!

It started off with Wes working at Ramsey's and then I began my practicum at Chrysalis House counseling women who were chemical dependent. What an amazing experience! In May, my little baby girl turned one and I graduated from ATS with my masters. Over the summer, we sold off a lot of our stuff, took an amazing cruise with the whole White family, and moved to Colorado! Wes started school, I started a career (not just a job), and turned 32 in December! I went sledding for the first time. This has been an amazing year, and I can't wait to see what next year has in store!

Our Christmas Letter 2011

2011-12-20T14:39:00.002-05:00

Season’s Greetings!

We hope that this letter finds you all well and enjoying the holiday with your friends and family. We are distant in miles from most of you, but hold you all just as close as ever in our hearts! As most of you know we now reside in Fort Collins, CO after moving from Lexington, KY this past August. The transition here has been fun, trying, and certainly unique. We traveled the southeast for almost a month after Wes stopped working at Ramsey’s diner in Lexington, and Angela finished her practicum at the Chrysalis House. We then returned to Lexington with Wes’ parents, Jim & Carolyn White, and they helped us move out to Colorado. The drive took us two days, but was so beautiful and worth every mile. Thanks to all our dear friends who helped us pack and load the moving truck, and then clean our house. We moved into a very small apartment for the first time in our married life, and had a blast selling off all the stuff that we didn’t need or want. We did store a small amount of stuff in KY, which is mostly books, a canoe, and some larger items we couldn’t move here.

Angela is currently working as a bilingual counselor at North Range Behavioral Health in Greeley, which is unfortunately a 45-minute trip one way. She loves her work, the girls that she works with, and most of her clients, just not the 1.5 hours she spends the in van. It will take Angela 2 years to get her LPC (licensed professional counselor) and then she will work out a contract with North Range to repay her student loans, while she also earns her CAC (certified addictions counselor) and infant mental health endorsement. The latter endorsement will take her some time to get, but will mean she will be only one of three people in the state of CO with those credentials. As mentioned before she finished her practicum this summer at the Chrysalis House where she worked in a residential treatment center for women recovering from addiction. Her time there was very trying, but very rewarding and it seems that Angela wants to work with that population at some point in her career. Angela has been very active since we got here taking a lot more walks and riding her bike when the weather is nice. She has never skied before, but we bought her a used set of boots and skis because out here buying used items is cheaper than renting.

Wes is a half-time student, half-time line cook at the Melting Pot. He is working really hard in his classes and has straight As to show for it! He is enjoying his classes and loves his major, Natural Resource Management. His plan is to get a Bachelor’s and a Master’s in about 5 years. He is tolerating the Melting Pot, but we both look forward to the day when he can quit and just focus on school and kids. Another hat he wears is full-time dad, watching the two wild kiddos all day Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He does a great job keeping the house clean and the kids taken care of while Angela is at work 8am-7pm. Wes loves the weather out here. He bikes to school Tuesday and Thursday and even bikes to work most days! He loves to go hiking even though he doesn’t get to go much. He got a snowboard and all the gear for Christmas and he is itching to break it all in! He has made a couple of friends in his classes and we are getting to know a few couples from a church we have been attending regularly. It’s called The Town Church and is a very small church plant in downtown Fort Collins. We have been attending for a little over a month and have been to a couple townships (their version of small groups). The people are genuine and welcoming and we are beginning to feel at home there.

Jordan is every bit of three years old. He’s full of ideas, stories, and questions! He & Eleanor got to go sledding for the first time in their lives when we had two recent heavy snowstorms. He loved the snow that we got, but we haven’t accumulated anymore. Jordan really enjoys our Malaysian downstairs neighbors as they have 4 kids who all play well with him. Jordan has become an expert tricycle rider and he will be getting his first bike and first pair of ice-skates this Christmas. He absolutely loves the mountains, and had a blast when Dad and Jordan took one last truck-camping trip up to the Roosevelt National Forest before winter showed up in the mountains. He will be going to pre-school this next year to prepare for Kindergarten! YIKES!

Eleanor is the sweetest, cutest mischievous one-and-a-half-year-old we have ever known! She is growing so fast and scrambling to keep up with everything her brother does. She is talking a lot more and has even learned some sign language. Her verbal comprehension seems pretty advanced for her age and she can climb on every conceivable surface in this apartment! Jordan (or “Bubba” as she calls him) is her most favorite person in the world and she never wants to be more than a foot away from him. They play very well together except for the occasional brother-sister rough housing that ends in crying and sore bodies. She still loves to cuddle and be held but a very strong independent streak is coming out more each day. Can’t imagine where she got that from!

All our Love!

Wes, Angela, Jordan and Eleanor White

I wept the first and subsequent times I heard this song.

2011-12-02T03:54:00.000-05:00

The ache and joy

2011-11-26T00:16:00.004-05:00

Wes and I continually feel blessed to be here in Colorado. Sometimes as I drive home, I look at the westward mountain range and I find myself holding my breath watching the sun set. Then a slow smile spreads across my face and a thrill runs up my spine as I think,"this is real...we live in COLORADO!!!" The weather is amazing except for a few really cold nights. I am phenomenally blessed to have gotten the 2nd job I applied for right out of grad school. I love my job...there is no doubt that this is what I was made for. It's so exciting to see Wes so happy in school and taking care of the kids. He is so well suited for the duties he currently has. He really loves school and is doing amazing. This move was a hard decision but certainly seems like the right one in retrospect. So much joy.

And then the ache. We are so lonely. It feels very vulnerable to admit that, but I just have to because tonight it feels like it will explode out of my chest if I don't say it. The loneliness is crushing. We have been here for 3 months and have yet to make one really good friend. I have gone out once with a few girls I work with and I like them a lot, but we don't live in the same cities and don't get to work together very much. Wes has begun to get to know a few people in his program and we are slowing becoming connected with some couples that attend the church we have been visiting, but yet we have no one to call and invite to dinner last minute. No one to plan birthdays or holidays with. No one to play Settlers, no one to laugh with until our ribs ache, no shoulders to cry on. It is a cold and isolated place to be in. We have friends in many different states that own parts of our hearts and often those pieces long to be reunited. We miss you all to an extent that cannot be described. We would give anything to show up on your doorstep for a surprise visit. To throw our arms around your necks, grin from ear to ear, sit down to break bread with you, feel the sweet sting of tears out of sheer gratitude to be in your presence. We love you so much...all of you. You will never be replaced. But we long for the day when we feel a similar gentle cushion of community here. We long for the day when the ache subsides. But until then, you are closer to us than you realize.

Curse your branches... Sometimes I do.

2011-10-04T01:09:00.001-04:00

Curse Your Branches, by David Bazan

We have been absent

2011-07-15T22:39:00.002-04:00

but not too far away.

The time has drained like sand through an hourglass, only it has gone at break-neck speed. As I sit down to write this, I am struck by the fact that we are going to be in Kentucky for 11 more days! (Actually that makes me panic and want to go pack!). We are experiencing such an intense swirl of emotions--fear, elation, frustration, panic, excitement, giddiness--while trying to keep our day to day life running. I feel like we are trying to squeeze every drop out of every moment. We have had dinner with or just hung out with more friends in the last month than we have in the last 6 months. I have found myself never wanting to say "no" and just stay home, always thinking that this maybe the last time I will see this person before we go. I am dreading the goodbyes. I hate them. I keep pushing the awareness of the inevitable tears away from me, telling myself to not worry about it yet. And yet when I am honest, I realize this is home. I am getting ready to drive away from everything I love to the unknown. It seems crazy, and yet, seems right, too.

It is going to be so hard to leave Chrysalis House. I cannot put into words the worth and value of my time there. I have already lost three clients, which truly broke my heart, and I will be saying goodbye to the other two (most likely forever), never knowing how their story will close. This is hands-down the worst part of this line of work: getting attached and then having to let go. I knew it would be a struggle for me, but I didn't realize it would hurt so much. I feel like I have grown by leaps and bounds as a clinician, and the greatest lesson for me has been that I truly have no idea what I am doing. Nothing in my Masters' program adequately prepared me for how difficult and convoluted this dance between counselor and client is, or how to keep my personal feelings in check. I love every single woman I have gotten to work with, and wish them nothing but the best in their lives. I wish I could stick around to see what happens, but I give that to God and trust that he will continue the good work that he has begun.

Thank you all for your prayers and love. We have needed each one, and will continue to need them. We are excited to see what this next page of the story holds for us!

Love,
Angela

Our Upcoming Journey.... feel free to follow along! :)

2011-06-28T13:08:00.003-04:00

Summer reading list (so far)...

2011-05-15T23:44:00.001-04:00

1. Breaking Dawn (DO NOT LAUGH!)
2. Hunger Games
3. Potty Training in One Day
4. Everything I haven't read yet by Jodi Picoult
5. Harry Potter books

To be continued...

(Feel free to leave suggestions!)

No we're not dead

2011-05-07T15:30:00.003-04:00

Hey friends & family,

Sorry this has taken so long. We got rid of internet at home in February and so it's been really hard to find the time to post, since it has to be either at work or school. So, there's so much to update you all on, this will be pretty brief for each thing.

First, I (Angela) have been having a blast at my practicum, Chrysalis House. It has been an amazing experience to work with women coming out of addiction. I have learned so much--as a counselor, as a Christian, and as a woman. I have so much respect for these women though. They are doing such a hard thing--changing every aspect of their lives--and so many of them have other extremely challenging things to overcome (mental illness, trauma and abuse, financial and educational roadblocks, legal history, etc). I feel so lucky to get to be one small part of their recovery journey.

Wes has been working like a manic as this is Ramsey's busy season. All four of us relish his days off--it's so nice to feel like a normal family again, even if it's only for 48 hours. This job is very exhausting for Wes, but it is such a wonderful sacrifice for him to make in order to support us.

The kids are very busy as always. Jordan is extra 2 (soon to be 3) and although he is generally a very sweet child, he also has a temper and we see it quite a bit (hmm, I wonder where he gets that from?). We are really struggling with temper tantrums and potty training. I know it will happen eventually, but we are sort of at a stalemate right now. Eleanor is finally crawling and now has 6 teeth! She is still gnawing on things though so I think she is working on a few more. She doesn't say a lot of words--mostly "yay", "mama", "dada", and "hi." She is now drinking milk instead of formula. We are working on a sippy cup although she's not too keen on it. She is also eating more "real" food instead of baby food. She LOVES her brother so much--her face lights up every time she sees him. She is learning how to play by herself and sleeps better most nights. She is developing her own little personality and it's really cute to see the changes day to day. She will be one in a week! My my how the time has flown!

Wes and I got to spend Spring Break in Colorado. We had such a good time and the kids did really well here in Kentucky with Carolyn. It was a very needed break from work and the kids and great to rediscover our relationship. We didn't get to ski but we did get to go hiking. We also had some fantastic food at local restaurants. Overall it was a fabulous vacation! (It was hard to come back!)

Wes miraculously had Easter off, so we dyed eggs with Jordan and hid them all over the house. He had a blast. The kids looked great in outfits the Whites gave us. It was a really nice day.

Well, that about sums it up. The next big event for us is my graduation in 13 days! That is a surreal thought. I can't wait to be done! Here's some picts for you to enjoy.

Practicum!

2011-01-19T16:09:00.002-05:00

As most of you know, I found out that I was accepted for my practicum a couple of weeks ago! I just got my drug screen and TB test and have talked to the therapist I will be working under. I will be working at Chrysalis House which is a rehab facility for women and their families dealing with substance abuse. Most of them are court mandated to be there. I will have a case load of 4 clients and will be co-leading group therapy. I will be participating in a variety of other activities with the women and children. I am really excited, albeit scared and nervous. If you want to check out Chrysalis House, this is their website: http://www.chrysalishouse.org/.

Let the adventure begin!

Solids

2011-01-13T20:27:00.002-05:00

I promise I will take and post some other pictures so you can see Eleanor and her new love of solid food! She is such a little piggy (definitely MY child) and eats between 6 and 8 ounces of baby food mixed with rice or oatmeal cereal every day (plus formula). I have no idea what she weighs--we'll find out in a month--but she is a chunky monkey! She has TONS of fat rolls every where. It's really cute. She is also sitting up completely unaided for very long periods of time. Tonight she sat on the floor and played with toys for at least an hour! No crawling though, and still no teeth. But she can stand up holding on to the coffee table (with me holding onto her) and her legs are solid enough to hold her. Craziness!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-11T09:57:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I'll admit it. I am a sucker for New Years. Most years I have made New Year's Resolutions, then don't keep them, then get mad and disillusioned, and yet make the same resolutions the next year. For awhile I stopped making them, then I changed them to "goals," "hopes," or "dreams." But let's be honest, they're resolutions. I decided this year after much thought, to make only ONE resolution and then enlist help (an accountability tripod) to assist me in keeping this one. Maybe just making one will help me focus on the importance of it. So here it is:

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS TO BE A MORE RESPONSIBLE PERSON.

I know this is a really vague, broad, and overwhelming goal, so I am going to break it down into more manageable and measurable sub-goals. I want to be more responsible in the areas of money, health, and time management. My accountability partner in the financial arena is Wes. He is going to check our budget on Mint.com every week to make sure I am sticking to the budget. My health accountability partner is Beth. She and I are beginning training for a half-marathon we are running April 30th. I have also asked her to inquire frequently about what I am eating, and we are planning on training (and running) together. Hopefully this will result in losing weight. My accountability partner for time management is Michelle. Every time I talk to Michelle she is going to ask me if i am looking at my planner every day and what things I am responsible for taking care of that week. A personal goal I have is to return my cards to my wallet immediately after using them. I have lost so many things by sticking cards in my pockets, jackets, etc.

This year my family and I have suffered some undesirable consequences from my lack of responsibility related to forgetting things, misplacing/ losing things, not attending to paperwork, not planning ahead, not looking at my planner, and the like. I have finally come to realize that these bad habits have to change, so I am going to work on that.

Self-improvement is really hard, and I know it is going to take awhile to change habits that are very ingrained. Even if I don't completely extinguish problematic behaviors, I hope to make improvements this next year.

Christmas!

2011-01-11T09:37:00.003-05:00

As my previous post said, I was gone to Florida with the kids in mid December. We returned in the early evening on Christmas Eve eve. When we arrived at home, Wes had put up the Christmas tree and cleaned the house! It was a wonderful surprise! Wes and I spent Christmas Eve with my parents and then took them to the airport. Christmas day was spent relaxing, sleeping and vegging with the kids. That night, Jim and Carolyn arrived and even though it was way past his bedtime, we let Jordan stay up and open presents! This was really his first Christmas that he got to enjoy. Here are some cute shots of the present opening.

We had a great time with the Whites and were sad to see them go!

Trip to Florida

2011-01-11T09:26:00.004-05:00

As Wes posted, the kids and I (Angela) went to Florida for 8 days to see family in mid-December. My parents flew up to Kentucky and helped me drive down. It was such a long trip but worth it! We missed Wes so much but we loved seeing family. On the way down I got to see one of my best friends, Katherine, who lives just outside of Atlanta. She and her husband have an adorable 16 month old. We had a great time and it made me realize how much I miss her. The kids did amazing in the car! We only had a few meltdowns, which is expected. We survived thanks to the DVD player my parents gave us for Christmas. Here is a shot of Jordan in the very back, obviously having a good time.

In Orlando, we stayed with another good friend, Melanie and her husband Matt. They are expecting their first child in January. It was also great to see them. We got to spend time with all three grandparents (on Angela's side), all the aunts and uncles, and a few cousins and their children. Here is a shot of Eleanor having fun in the bath.
It was a huge blessing to see everyone, and also wonderful to be home.

Old Fashioned Christmas

2011-01-11T09:04:00.004-05:00

I know that it's ridiculous that it's taken me so long to post (especially about OFC since that was a month and half ago). We had a great time at OFC, and the days beforehand. It was wonderful to see the Mosers, Boatmans, Beans, and Walt and Lacy. There were LOTS of kiddos and first-time meetings. Here is a picture of the lovely ladies that were added to our group this year.
Left to right, Eleanor White, Shelby Boatman, and Eva Moser.

(These babies didn't get held AT ALL. You believe that, right? ;))

The Mosers invited us to swim at their hotel, and Wes and Jordan had a grand old time. Jordan liked the water and loved spending time with Wes. Here are some cute picts.

Here is a shot of our mammoth group! It's amazing how we have grown in just two short years! It was a lot of fun to be together even though the babies got snowed on. Afterwards, most of the group came to our house to watch Nat'l Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and eat cookie monsters (thank you Lacy!)

Here is a shot of the kiddos in their cute clothes from Jim and Carolyn. It's hard to see but Jordan has a train on his sweater. The bunting Eleanor is wearing was Jordan's two years ago.

New Post is coming...

2011-01-06T15:38:00.001-05:00

I promise!

I know I have a lot to cover. I'm getting to it!

A song that tightens my throat...

2010-12-22T13:19:00.007-05:00

Here in America, Rich Mullins

Saints and children we have gathered here to hear the sacred story
And I'm glad to bring it to you with my best rhyming and rhythm
'Cause I know the thirsty listen and down to the waters come
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America

And if you listen to my songs I hope you hear the water falling
I hope you feel the oceans crashing on the coast of north New England
I wish I could be there just to see them, two summers past I was
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America

And if I were a painter I do not know which I'd paint
The calling of the ancient stars or assembling of the saints
And there's so much beauty around us for just two eyes to see
But everywhere I go I'm looking

And once I went to Appalachia for my father he was born there
And I saw the mountains waking with the innocence of children
And my soul is still there with them wrapped in the songs they brought
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America

And I've seen by the highways on a million exit ramps
Those two-legged memorials to the laws of happenstance
Waiting for four-wheeled messiahs to take them home again
But I am home anywhere if You are where I am

And if you listen to my songs I hope you hear the water falling
I hope you feel the oceans crashing on the coast of north New England
I wish I could be there just to see them, two summers past I was
And the Holy King of Israel loves me here in America.

Traveling...

2010-12-16T13:29:00.005-05:00

Our 2010 Christmas photo:

Please keep Ange, the Kids, and Ange's parents in your prayers as they travel to Florida for the Holidays. They left this afternoon to go visit one of Ange's friends in Atlanta and then will be in Orlando tomorrow to see Angela's Family. They return on the 23rd, with another visit to a different friend on the 22nd in Atlanta. Me? I'm here in Ice Covered Kentucky working... Ange's parents fly back to florida on the 24th. My Parents will then be here on the night of the 25th.

Hope your holidays are filled with appreciation for the loved ones around you. They are your greatest gift.

Thanks to Stefan Bean for this photo and all others posted on our Flickr site. Check out his photo & Graphic work on www.stefanbean.com

Jordan makes his first kraut.

2010-12-01T11:36:00.003-05:00

Check out flickr for new photos of Jordan helping me can this years batch of kraut. Only about 15 lbs this year. We had a terrible summer this year so not as much to go around.

All dressed up

2010-11-13T20:47:00.001-05:00

for their first wedding! They were in the nursery for the ceremony and did pretty good for the reception. It was a lot of fun. Jordan kept me on my toes!

On the downslope

2010-11-09T22:05:00.003-05:00

So, I officially have one month left of school! And one week of that is Thanksgiving break!! Who-hoo!!! I have one book, two papers, and then finals left and then my LAST full semester is done. I am so thankful. This whole school and kids thing is for the birds. I need to line up my practicum soon because I will be doing it in February. I have to say that I would never have made it without a wonderful, supportive husband who has worked his fanny off to provide for us. Thank you sweetheart!

In unrelated news, Eleanor is finally sleeping through the night every night and she weighs 17 lbs. and 6 oz!!! She's finally starting to fill out. Check out picts on flickr to see her chubby little face!

End of daylight savings time you suck...

2010-11-07T21:50:00.002-05:00

Before kids, I loved the end of daylight savings. A whole extra hour to sleep!!! Not this year. This year I got to celebrate this great day by being up at 5 am with Jordan. He had gotten up, turned his light on, gotten out of his room (a skill very recently acquired), climbed on the couch in the living room, turned that light on, and was running and shrieking through the living room. THEN he wouldn't go back to sleep. At 6, Wes got up to go to work and Eleanor woke up. So I gave up and got up with everyone. And then the kids did not nap together. So I am one tired pup! I'm gonna shower and then go to bed to prepare for probably another 5 am.

Da da

2010-11-03T21:49:00.001-04:00

Eleanor said da da tonight! It wasn't specifically directed at Wes but it was cute nonetheless!

Pict from Halloween

2010-11-02T10:32:00.002-04:00

Dun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun...BATMAN!!

NOVEMBER???

2010-11-01T20:30:00.003-04:00

Geez, how did we get to November already? This semester (and year) are flying by!! That means I graduate in 6 months!!!!! Who-hoo! I have never been more ready for school to be over, even though it has been an incredible experience. I am reading a book for school that is amazing. I warn you though, it is a scathing (although I think NEEDED) critique of the format of "church" as we North Americans know it to be. And this isn't just coming out of nowhere. The authors talk about the New Testament (early apostolic) church and contrast it to the "Christendom era" church, meaning the church that evolved after Constantine (which is when--as Wes likes to say--the church got in bed with the political powers of that day). Anyway, it is a good read and very thought provoking. (Not for the faint of heart!) Here's the cover:

Well, in other news, Jordan had his first Halloween. I will get picts up shortly. He was Batman and very cute. We didn't dress up Eleanor. I know that makes us party poopers, but we just couldn't spend all that money for a baby costume--they are high!!! Jordan thought it was awesome, although he was scared of the mask at first. He didn't always say "trick or treat," but when we got home he loved sitting on the porch with us and giving candy to other kids. It was precious.

We are also bravely entering the world of potty training. He pees in the big toilet every night before bed but that's about it. He won't tell us yet that he has to go, and he won't poop. But I'll take it for now.

5 month landmark...

2010-10-30T14:46:00.002-04:00

Well, Eleanor is 5 months old now. We've passed some milestones that have made life a little easier. She had her first baby food (homemade applesauce) and loves it! She is on more of a schedule now. She still occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night, but more and more she sleeps until 6 or 7 am! Finally!!!!! I don't have to rock her to sleep anymore. I can put her down sleepy but awake and she goes to sleep on her own. She is trying to sit up but still has a ways to go. She has gained a lot of weight. I'm not sure how much she weighs but I can feel that she is much heavier. She also doesn't hate her carseat anymore. She is overall a much happier baby and thinks her brother is hysterical! Time passes so quickly.

School is so close to being done thank God, and I am getting more encouraged. I have only turned one assignment in late (which is a big deal for me) although I have not stayed caught up on my reading. So far I have gotten good grades (As or Bs) on my assignments and tests. I will be SO glad to be done with this semester! I will take a class in January, then start practicum in the Spring and take one last class. I will hopefully walk in May and finish my second practicum over the summer. I will have to take and pass the NCE but then I will be all finished!!! It only took 4 years! :)

I gotta run--I've learned to take naptime seriously and use it either to nap or do schoolwork.

By the way, lots of new picts on flickr!!!

Struggling...

2010-10-13T21:20:00.001-04:00

I could really use your prayers. This week has exceeded my emotional ability to cope. Life is out of control, and I am wearing thin. I would appreciate any prayers for strength, stability, peace, patience, rest, and deep communion and reliance on my Father God. Thank you.

Angela

New picts on flickr

2010-10-02T17:01:00.001-04:00

Our dear friend Tracy came to visit and of course I am just now getting the pictures up (more than a month later). We went for a beautiful (although sticky) hike at Raven's Run. I just loaded those picts to flickr. We have missed her a great deal and it was wonderful to have her with us. She had fun with the kiddos as well. We love you girl!

School days

2010-09-14T20:17:00.002-04:00

Well, my time is very limited, so this will have to be short. (As it is I am putting off writing a paper due tomorrow!) School started last week and already life is chaotic. I have only had one night to read this whole week, and then tonight to do homework. The kids are definitely impeding my progress, God love 'em. Jordan has been battling an ear infection and even now has fluid built up in his ears. The doctor added another medicine to his allergy cocktail, so hopefully that will help. If not, doc is going to send him to an allergist...already. :( Eleanor (and I stress ELEANOR not me) gave up nursing after only one week of bottles, so that is over. I am sad and relieved at the same time. Now other people can feed her and hopefully she will start sleeping through the night more. But I did want to nurse at least 6 months, so that's a bummer. She has been sleeping better, and noticeably gaining more weight, so that is good. Occasionally we will still have a terrible night (like last night) but otherwise I am surviving. I really think I will enjoy my classes this semester, I just have to find a way to squeeze in schoolwork. My parents are visiting on Thursday for a week and I am very excited to have them. Wes is still working crazy insane hours and we don't see much of him. But I appreciate him and his sacrifice every day! Well, I guess that pretty much covers it.

Slow progress with Eleanor

2010-08-30T13:41:00.002-04:00

In my last post, I forgot to tell you all how the little girl is doing. She is still struggling with nursing (she has since day one) but I am holding strong and not supplementing with formula very often. She is slowly but steadily gaining weight (about 1 lb per month). I guess she's realized that the role of "hoss" has already been taken by her older brother. She is smiling and laughing a lot more often now and seems to be a happier baby. She has finally learned how to hold in a paci (yay!!!) and sometimes sleeps through the night (although not so much lately--boo). She still wants to be held a lot and pretty much still hates the car. Overall, though, life is getting more tolerable although I would really love just ONE night of uninterrupted sleep. Oh well. Maybe in 5 more years. :) Here's a pict of her asleep and looking like an angel.

Update--long time coming!

2010-08-22T16:19:00.002-04:00

Well, Miss Eleanor is 3 months old now, and getting tall. Here's a picture of her in her bassinet that she is quickly outgrowing!
In other news, we passed a major milestone a few weeks ago and hooked Jordan up with a big boy bed! This bed is extra special because the frame was Wes' uncle Allen's bed as a boy. Mom and Dad White bought us the mattress and box springs. Jordan LOVES it! He is possessive over his bed. He doesn't want me or Wes to sit on it unless he invites us up! It is hilarious.

We took a few days off (Weds-Fri) of last week and went to see the Beans in Greenwood. We had a great time! We miss them a lot and so it was great to see them. They enjoyed hanging out with the kids as well. Here's some shots from the trip.

Jordan eating (or not eating) his dinner.
A picture Jordan took of Eleanor.
All of us outside eating dinner.

See you guys soon!

5th Anniversary!!!

2010-07-25T12:27:00.004-04:00

July 16th was our 5th anniversary, so Wes planned a day and night of wonderful surprises for me!! To start things off right, he took us to get a couples' massage. After all the work we both have been doing and how sore our bodies are, this was AMAZING. I wanted to lay there forever. Next up on the list was an activity we have wanted to do since we got married: get tattoo rings. Here are some picts:

Then it was off to dinner at Jean Farris Winery and Bistro--my new absolute favorite place to eat in the world! We had the most amazing food. I didn't want it to end. Here are some shots of the cuisine...(don't drool on your keyboard!)

After dinner, Wes whisked us away to the Double Tree in Lexington, which was a nostalgic choice. We stayed there the night we got married, but that night they gave away the honeymoon suite that Wes had reserved. So this time, he booked that suite instead! It was beautiful! I should have taken some pictures, sorry.

And in case you all are wondering, our dear friend Beth watched the children (and her mom helped). As evidenced by the picture below, they did just fine.

It was an AWESOME anniversary. Probably my favorite yet. Wes did such a great job coming up with things that I would love and that had deep meaning to them. Here's to many more, babe!

Finally some free time

2010-07-25T12:17:00.003-04:00

Well, I realize it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I posted, but things have JUST started to get better around here! Eleanor is now 10 weeks old, and as pictured above, finally sleeping somewhere other than ON ME. She will let me put her in the swing, on the couch, in our bed, or in her bassinet without waking up and screaming.

Jordan is doing very well with her. He still gets jealous and is regressing a little bit, but I am learning very slowly how to work with him--rewarding desirable behavior, ignoring undesirable behavior. It's a struggle, but we are making progress. He loves his sister so much and wants to hold and kiss her all the time. So sweet.

As for me, this is the first "me time" that wasn't a nap since she was born! I'm enjoying my coffee and the quiet.

New photos...

2010-07-14T21:11:00.001-04:00

on flickr! I will post soon (when I can put Eleanor down without her screaming)!

Surviving

2010-06-29T15:40:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking for a while about what I should blog about, not that my life is that interesting or I'm super important. It's just that these few weeks have passed in a blur and I have been experiencing so many emotions and thoughts. I feel like I am on a proverbial rollercoaster. Some days I surprise myself with how productive and gentle I am, others find me (to quote Julia Roberts) "at the end of my rapidly fraying rope." This new paradigm of life is markedly different from anything I have done before and I am way out of my comfort zone. As most of you know, "traditional" is about the furthest thing from what I am, and yet here I am, filling a traditional gender role that daily illuminates weaker aspects of my personality. I am not organized, I do not enjoy housework, I struggle with children's disobedience and attitude, I do not naturally possess excess patience for infant screaming, and the list goes on and on. So this mash up of factors contributes to my ever present struggles with failure and self-esteem. So again, I find myself crying out to God to help me. I need him to fill me with peace and patience. I cannot be the kind of mother I want to be on my own.

Come Holy Spirit, Come.

Alone now

2010-06-22T15:12:00.002-04:00

Well, all of my amazing help has now returned from whence they came and it's just me and the kids (cue scary music). It's been an interesting few days. Yesterday we did nothing and Jordan was temperamental and Eleanor cried on and off for 3 hours. So that was a great start. Last night was ok, just too short, and Miss E and I were up with J at 8 am. I decided to be brave and took the two out on a first outing, which was supposed to just be to the bank and post office. They were so good, however, that I ended up driving around looking for houses to rent and even went by Starbucks! I came home and fed both of them and myself, and they both cashed out. Tonight we are going to a dinner with our Communality friends and then come home and hit the hay! I can do this; I'm just going to be very tired for a while.

One month old

2010-06-15T21:01:00.002-04:00

Today Miss Eleanor is one month old. I struggle to believe it. Time whizzed by with Jordan, but it is passing at breakneck speeds with this one. She is beginning to acclimate to the non-womb world, evidenced by better nursing, and longer sleeping. We are (hopefully) through the hardest part. My challenge right now is that she wants to be held all the time and won't sleep in her bassinet. I am trying to be patient with that, knowing all too well that this period of her life will come to a close faster than I really want it to. For now, I will just enjoy my little cuddle bug and not wish her to be any older than she is. Before I know it, she will be 16 and I will want to have this time back.

Time...

2010-06-14T13:17:00.001-04:00

Why is it that time is something we are continually wishing away and begging for more of?

I believe that people who live simpler lives are actually only happier, not because they have less stuff, but have less to manage and therefore less to do or deal with. It's not the lack of posessions, it's the freedom from owning and the space that creates the happiness.

I'd throw away more stuff, but it's not the stuff in my life that is robbing me of time.

When you're the sole bread winner you can't throw away your job.

Transportation

2010-06-11T11:56:00.003-04:00

We have a new van! It will be delivered to us on Monday, but it has been purchased and is on its way! It is a 2007 Toyota Sienna. We are so excited to finally have a vehicle that can seat all of us comfortably plus has storage space! Pictures to follow!

HAWKS WIN, HAWKS WIN!!!

2010-06-10T01:49:00.005-04:00

HAWKS WIN!!!! FIRST TIME IN 49 YEARS!!! I'm still in shock!!!

I can still remember being a young boy watching my great uncle spiff screaming at a black and white tv in his basement on the south-side of Chicago..... What a blessing that I got to see it happen once in my lifetime too. I can only hope that Jordan is a fan and sees it once when he's older...

HAWKS WIN!!! HAWKS WIN!!! HAWKS WIN!!!

Lots to share

2010-06-08T20:36:00.003-04:00

Well, I know it has taken me forever to post and I'm sorry (Amanda!) but as you all can imagine, life has been crazy! We have had lots of help here which has been a lifesaver. I (Angela) could not have handled the transition without Jim and Carolyn, Michelle, and my parents. I'll share some pictures first and then give you an update. Oh, and there are now new picts on flickr!

My best friend Michelle with E.

Jordan holding E for the first time.

Jim and Carolyn with the kids.

Me with the two--here E is one week old.

Ok, so one thing at a time. I have recovered quite nicely and almost feel like I never had a baby. I am beginning to get back my energy and find that I don't need to take a nap most days (yay!). I am not ready to exercise yet, but I give that a few more weeks. I have lost all my baby weight and am under my pre-pregnancy weight but have some more to go. Overall, I feel good.

Wes is working very hard and at work a lot, much to his chagrin. He loves his new little girl and wishes he could spend more time with her and Jordan. We try to do something fun on his days off. Hopefully his schedule will free up a bit soon.

Jordan is adjusting pretty well to having a new sister. He LOVES her so much. His favorite thing is to "hold that" (her) and kiss her on the head. It's really sweet. He has had his jealous moments of course and sometimes is a little too rough, but he's trying. His grandparents have enjoyed him tremendously.

We sold my Camry and are in the process of buying a minivan. I know how geeky that sounds but we are actually excited. We didn't have enough space before and will like the room. We are waiting to hear from our friend's dad who is buying it at auction for us. Our lease is also up at the end of August and we will have to make a decision about whether to move or not. This will be the year of changes for sure!

Thanks to all of you who have prayed, visited, made food, given clothes (and other fun stuff), and loved us. We need each and every one of you and care so much about you. You have greatly blessed us. Much love.

Overwhelmed

2010-05-17T07:14:00.003-04:00

I (Angela) am overwhelmed with gratitude to God for this amazing birth experience. It was all I could have wanted and such an amazing gift! I was only in labor for 9 hours, 6 of which were spent in the hospital, 4 of which were spent on any sort of medication. There were no complications, I was able to complete a VBAC, and I only pushed for 25-30 mins! I am still in shock that things went as well as they did. Here, about 48 hours after labor began, I feel pretty good and am loving getting to spend time with my baby girl. I love her so much already!

As a side note, I am deeply indebted to all of you who prayed for me! God answered all of our prayers and then some! I also owe a HUGE thank you to Wes, who was an amazing labor coach and waited on me hand and foot! I also could not have had the experience I did if my wonderful mother-in-law had not been here to take care of Jordan, cook, clean, and just be all around amazing! I love you all.

Eleanor Update #1

2010-05-15T18:51:00.004-04:00

Info update on Eleanor:

Born officially on 5-15-10 at 3:31pm.

8lbs 3oz
20.75 in long
14.5 in head
14 in chest

Nancy Shirey was the Nurse Midwife who delivered her.

Mom had a short pass out incident, but only because she was up going to the bathroom for the first time. She is well now and Eleanor is happily feeding as much as possible.

Visitors ARE Welcome at the Women's hospital next to St. Joseph East room #361.

Eleanor is here!

2010-05-15T16:25:00.002-04:00

She arrived at 3:30 and weighed 8lb, 3oz. We'll find out how long she is later. She had a 9/9 apgar score! Mom and baby are in great shape!

Eleanor is on her way!

2010-05-15T13:08:00.001-04:00

Ange is 8 cm now and fully effaced. She has the lowest dosage on her epidural and pitocin drip. Everything is going very well. Hoping for eleanors arrival soon!

Lots to be grateful for...

2010-05-12T11:48:00.005-04:00

As I (Angela) was whining yesterday about still being pregnant, uncomfortable, miserable, impatient, etc, I was also realizing how blessed and grateful I am for all of the little things (as well as the big things) in my life. Here's just a few:

~My mother-in-law who is AMAZING! She is here already and willing to stay for 2 weeks until Eleanor gets here, then stay another week. She is such a servant and a hard worker! I love her to death. I hope that any of you who are single end up having just as wonderful of a MIL as I do.
~My husband who gets up and goes to work almost everyday and works his tush off to take care of us, sacrificing time with his wife, child, and self. He is being patient and understanding with the uncertainty surrounding Eleanor's arrival, my mood swings, my irrational fears, and the house being in shambles much of the time! He is wonderful.
~My son who is inquisitive, sweet, affectionate, and strong-willed. He makes me smile even though some days I want to scream. He hugs and greets "Eleano." What a wonderful boy.
~New life soon to come! (And the amazing ability to carry that life that so many women wish they had.)
~Rain that waters our garden free of charge.
~A great community who was so loving and generous and provided so many things we needed for Eleanor's arrival.
~No more classes this semester!!!
~Passing all of my incompletes from last semester!
~Second-hand kids shops and a MIL who loves to clothe her grandchildren!
~Laptops that allow you to do work while relaxing on the couch.

Angela

Still here and pregnant...

2010-05-10T14:53:00.003-04:00

Well all,

We said we would keep you updated so here we are. We went to the doctor today and my nurse midwife said I had made a little progress, but we are not looking at a baby anytime soon. She stripped my membranes (NOT an experience I would like to repeat), told me to go home, walk, etc. She said "see you next week" and I almost cried. I am so ready for this baby to be born. YESTERDAY. After I had an emotional breakdown at my mother's day lunch, we went home and as I was talking to my mom on the phone, I started having light contractions. I decided to walk around the neighborhood and I got some more! They are not significant enough to throw a party over, but at least it is SOMETHING! It was the encouragement I needed. They have gone away now, but I don't have to go to class tonight and my wonderful mother in law will be here in less than 2 hours!!! God BLESS her! So things are looking up, even though I was so discouraged. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support, and we will let you know when things really start to change!

Control...

2010-05-08T19:56:00.001-04:00

Today Jordan was 100% his own person, and it mattered in no way to him how I felt about that. He told me "no" numerous times and then laughed at my scowl, he refused to eat practically anything, he interrupted my car conversation by yelling, "Mommy go!", he refused to nap, he wouldn't point out the turtle or frog or tell me what a lion said in the bath, and now, he is refusing to go to sleep.

Eleanor is still happy and comfy in her 1' sphere and shows little to no intention of coming out, except for some very different back pain (which I am guessing is the beginning of "back labor"). She kicks, twists, and stretches, but alas, no contractions, no water breaking, etc. I would like her to come now, or tomorrow, or Monday, but she has her own plans. Already.

It's funny to me how we want to control everything in our lives. Our children, our bodily processes, our schedules, even other people's emotions and thoughts. We are so deluded to think that we even have the option. Life happens on its terms, and the more we try to control it, the more we miss.

May you learn (as I learn) to let go. To know your place. To experience and even (gasp!) revel in the unpredictability of life.

Angela

The pain of seperation...

2010-05-08T03:11:00.001-04:00

As I type this on my phone my boy is in his highchair in the kitchen finishing his lunch. He is repeating "break my heart" because I had just kissed him on the head and told him that he breaks my heart when I have to leave him behind where ever I am going.

Parenthood is the most painful and beautiful thing I've ever experienced. Makes it hard to breathe sometimes...

Our last night out...

2010-05-04T21:00:00.001-04:00

For awhile, at least.

And my new favorite restaurant in Lexington.

http://www.portofinolexington.com/

AND a HUGE shout-out to Theresa, whose last-minute babysitting made it all possible! And we both loved getting to chat with you...hope it happens more often!

Holding our breath

2010-05-04T11:15:00.001-04:00

Ange is now 2-3cm dilated and 65% effaced. Eleanor is in the right position and is measuring 7 lbs, 6 oz. on the sonogram with a 38 week head. (Jordan had a 44 wk head at this point!)

At next Monday's appointment Ange is having her membranes stripped. (FUN!)

We are holding our breath.

I'm not gonna miss...

2010-05-01T16:33:00.000-04:00

(once I have Eleanor)

being crazy over-emotional
peeing all the time
random debilitating foot/ankle/leg pain
having a hard time catching my breath after doing nothing
weird cravings
not sleeping well
anxiety over how/when/IF she will come!!

Angela

As the end approaches...

2010-04-29T20:03:00.000-04:00

...I am finding myself (Angela) becoming more nervous about labor and delivery. I know that might sound silly to those of you who know my birth story with Jordan (induction, 30-hr. labor, epidural, forceps, and eventual emergency C), and it's natural to think, "What is there to be worried about, you've done it all before?" Well, that is almost true. I am nervous because there are a few things I HAVEN'T done before. #1--I've never gone into real labor on my own. #2--I've never labored without the assistance of drugs. #3--I did not experience any pain in labor. Because I am opting to try a VBAC (and at least right now am a good candidate), my lack of experience in these areas makes me a wee bit anxious. So I could use all of your prayers that #1--I will be able to have her as naturally as possible, #2--That she will come SOON!, #3--That I can handle the "real thing."

Thank you all for your love and support! Stay tuned for pictures and the story, which is hopefully less than 2 weeks away!

Angela

Progress!

2010-04-26T13:46:00.001-04:00

It seems as if we are seeing far more progress with Eleanor than with Jordan. We are at 36 weeks and Ange is about 2cm and is slightly effaced. She is much further along now than with Jordan. No "real" contractions as of yet but lots of tightness and soreness!

iPhone posting

2010-04-25T21:47:00.001-04:00

Just wanted you to know that I've set up a blog writer app on my phone so that I can keep you all posted as things develop with Ange at the hospital. We have an appointment tomorrow to check on Ange's progress. I will also be posting photos to our flickr account.

We are anxious for Eleanor's arrival! :-)

Randomness...

2010-04-24T20:49:00.000-04:00

Today was a great day. After Jordan let us sleep in (8:30!), I got up with him and we ate a light breakfast. I did the dishes while he finished up. Then we said goodbye to Wes who was leaving for work and we left to pick up a box of fresh fruit and produce from Angel Food Ministries (thanks to Mom and Dad White). I then drove him downtown to the Farmer's Market where we purchased a few beautiful tomatoes and then we walked down to an amazing Lexington only restaurant, Alfalfa's. I met a friend for brunch, which was wonderful, and then we headed home. We both laid down for a nap and then got up and visited Wes at work. Jordan was so glad to see his daddy and vice versa. I packed him into the car once more and we went to a good friend Beth's house so that we could help celebrate Beth's mom's 60th birthday. The food was great and we had a grand time. We called it a night around 7 pm and headed home. After a snack and a quick bath, Jordan went down like a champ. And now I am trying to decide how to spend my next 2-3 hours until Wes gets home. There's plenty of housework (which I have no desire to do), I need to do schoolwork (which I am struggling to find the motivation for), I have Office and Glee episodes to catch up on, books to read, and crocheting to finish. I am so tired I just want to go to bed, but I want to see my hubby when he gets home. I need to use this time well. I just don't want to. I want to be lazy. Well, that's my Saturday.

Angela

UPDATE...

2010-04-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

Well, here we are at 36 weeks! Time is going quickly and yet not quickly enough!

Jordan on the see-saw at the park.

Such a brave boy going down the big slide all by himself!

Sorry the picture is turned. This is the slide he started on. He LOVES the park. I think he would be the happiest little boy ever if I took him everyday. I just don't have the energy for that at this point!

Five more weeks!!!!

2010-04-11T16:25:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that Eleanor is due five weeks from today! How time flies! (Which incidentally means that school is over in a month, too--shudder.) We will have an ultrasound in 3 weeks (May 3rd) to determine how big she is and where to go from there. We'll let you all know what's happening with that.

There are definitely big changes happening (now or soon) and we need lots of prayer! Of course Wes started his new job (huge praise) on Friday. Once I go on maternity leave from Starbucks, I won't be returning. In the fall I will be a stay at home mom and student!!! Yay! In August our lease is up and we have to decide to go or stay. And then I start my last full semester of school in September! Life is crazy now and going to get crazier. We need all the support and prayer you can muster! But God is so good in the midst of it all. Oh praise him!

Angela

Lots of growing!!!

2010-04-07T17:13:00.000-04:00

Hey all! Spring is in full bloom here (much to Wes's dismay due to allergy issues) and things are growing like crazy! I thought it only fitting to share some recent "growth" pictures! Here is my 32 week belly, a VERY big Jordan, and some little chicks we were raising.

The weather has been gorgeous and I have been loving every minute of it. Jordan is also officially an "outside boy." He would stay out all day if I would let him and often pitches a huge fit when someone tries to take him in.

Despite life being tiring and chaotic at times, God is blessing us all over the place. I praise him for a new job for Wes, a better financial situation, a healthy pregnancy (almost done!!!), an amazing little boy, and exciting things on the way! May you all enjoy these warm days and be reminded of our creator God who loves to cause growth and make all things new. Blessings....

My big ole belly!

Jordan playing with the chicks.

How did he get so big???

Rooster Revolution

2010-03-23T22:06:00.000-04:00

This is a piece I submitted to Conspire magazine, but it never made it as I submitted WAY past the due date.... who me? procrastinate? Thought at least someone should read it.

Rooster Revolution

Chickens seem far from revolutionary. Ordinary, messy, clumsy, or loud are adjectives that would have immediately come to my mind only a year ago. I grew up in rural Indiana and my first 3 jobs were on farms. The first farm I worked on had hundreds of chickens in the chicken house. I would have never imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that some day I’d raise them in my backyard in an attempt to break the cycle of addiction of hyper-consumerism.
My wife, Angela, and I started raising chickens in the fall of ’08 in an attempt to separate ourselves from being dependent on corporate farms that have plowed under the local farmer and our local economy. We decided that we never wanted to buy another egg or chicken from the grocery store again, and with some planning we believe this to be possible, even easy.
It all started with an agreement with a friend that I would help them out with some items on their farm in exchange for free chickens. I then began dumpster diving and curb hunting for everything that I could find that would be a viable resource. I found milk crates for roosting boxes, wire, wood that was brand-new, used wood with nails and screws in (that I took out and bent back and used to hold the coop together), an old lamp for heat during the winter, egg cartons, buckets, and lids. With the spiritual gift of “acquisition” I was able to build the coop, feeders & waters for only $7, which was the cost of paint. My other costs are about $11 a month for food to feed 9 birds, and the cost of chicken wire to protect my garden and other plots from their curious little beaks. Chickens love to forage for bugs, broad leaf weeds, and table scraps we throw into an old drawer from a dresser.
I now get a minimum of 3 dozen eggs a week from 8 hens and can have fresh chicken on my table anytime I want. We are borrowing an incubator and will someday own one ourselves and I will be able to have a continuous supply of chickens for my family. This all seems so self serving and only an interest in self-sustaining for our sake. This is dangerous ground to trod for anyone who gardens, farms, or produces goods. The scriptures tell us that to horde and store up only leads to rot: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ‘But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.’” Matt. 6: 19-21 NASB
These chickens aren’t mine. They belong to Terry and Patricia who live behind me (who named our rooster: Amos), to Glenn and Alice across the street, and to those who have no access to viable sources of healthy food (the northern side of downtown Lexington has quickie-marts where you can only get beer and processed food). I am only a steward of what God has provided. I might sell a dozen or two eggs here and there to cover the cost of chicken food, but these chickens are simply an act of continuing creation. Not to mention the fact that they offer chemical free pest control for the garden, a weed and bug free yard, free organic fertilizer, and tons of fun! May you too find, that chickens are revolutionary creatures.

It's about time....

2010-03-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of info... certainly doesn't increase traffic here if we aren't supplying you with info.... Grab a cup of tea or a Bourbon and Coke and sit back... this will take some time.

Angela is 30 weeks! Only 10 more till our little girl Eleanor Marie White comes into this world. We are still very anxious about how life will look, but the excitement is growing daily. We also have some dear friends that are expecting: The Porters, May 18th (same due date!). The Mosers, Early June. The Boatmans, Sep. 2nd. This is certainly a season of kiddos within our friend group... guess that's what late twenty early thirty couples do. ;-)

Angela is currently doing 6 hours of Grad school and also working 20+ hour a week at starbucks to keep our health insurance... God bless her. She works so hard between all that requires and also being a mother and wife. I'm holding my breath with her till next May when she will GRADUATE with her MA in Counseling from Asbury Theological Seminary!!! :) I have a feeling she's looking forward to maternity leave just so she can sit still for once... I'm however sure that she's equally dreading the lack of sleep!

Jordan is a big boy now! He is learning new words by the dozens! Including some that dad shouldn't be teaching him! ;-) He is spending 4 days a week at a local day care and loves the ladies that watch him and he gets excited about playing, even if its ALL girls in his age group and one of them likes to hit him in the head with toys! ;-) He doesn't cry anymore when we leave him which is good, but sad for this dad as his little boy is growing up SO quickly!

As for me... I'm logging 40+ hours at the Melting Pot in Lexington. I'm the Kitchen Manager now, but my pay didn't increase with the MASSIVE increase in responsibility. I know its good for my resume' since all I had in training and education was religious non-profit, but it is still a bitter pill to swallow. I do love the work that I do and I enjoy my General Manager a lot. When I can I do work around the house and chores. I don't get to play or ref hockey anymore, but maybe one day I'll get to again. I did get to go hiking today (check pictures in later part of blog).

I am also beginning a poultry enterprise at a friend's farm. My good friend Jeremy Porter has an Organic CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) and in partnership with him we've developed a semi-organic, Cage free flock of about 25 Layers. We are also developing a small amount of broilers for consumption and sale, as the eggs that we incubate are not all females we need to "do" something with the males that hatch.... solution: BBQ chicken ;-) The layer flock is primarily Leghorns with some Barred Rocks mixed in. The broilers that we raise are all Barred Rocks, which is a GREAT dual purpose bird. (good egg layer and good meat bird, it also lays eggs straight through the winter!) We are including a dozen eggs in his shares for an extra $3 or you can buy them outright for $4. It won't be until later this fall that our flock is producing eggs and ultimately producing a small income for our family! Jeremy will be doing most of the upkeep out at the farm so luckily this will only mean about 2 days out of the week that I'll have to travel out to the farm for a couple hours work.

Enough text, now for some pictures!

Please Frequent our Flickr Page as we now have paid for a years subscription so that you can have FULL ACCESS to all photos that we take and load onto our computer!!!

Here is the link! Please bookmark and visit often! http://www.flickr.com/photos/waj_white/ Our Flickr Account

Here are some photos of the hike @ Raven's Run:

Jordan and Dad before leaving

A Gracious gift from our friends the Gladdings

Me Carrying Jordan

Jordan in Backpack

Trail & Bridge

Jordan and Dad hiking

Doesn't this kid just melt your heart?

view looking down from cliff

Two Geese mating for the spring, their honks echoing around in the cliffs was haunting.

My little Hiker!

Peace to you...

It is a gift...

2010-01-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I listened to Rob Bell's podcast "Shine Like Stars" and was struck with the simple truth that everything in my life is a gift. That sounds so trite and even elementary, but how quickly I forget this truth. My life lately has been very painful, exhausting, stressful, even hopeless at times, and I have a tendency to dwell on that negativity. I was reminded in a powerful way that the things that make me hurt and stressed are also in themselves gifts.

There is a man who has devoted his life to me.
GIFT
I have a healthy, beautiful, hilarious, sweet son.
GIFT
I have been given a new life to carry and nurture that I will meet soon.
GIFT
I have the means and opportunity to go to school.
GIFT
I am employed.
GIFT
My husband is employed.
GIFT
I have family and friends that love me dearly.
GIFT
I have the opportunity to be a part of a community of faith that is authentic and challenging.
GIFT
All the bills were miraculously paid this month.
GIFT

Gratitude is called for this day and everyday.

Angela

I Hate All Your Show

2010-01-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

Lately I've had Jon Foreman's (lead singer of Switchfoot) song "I Hate All Your Show" from the Summer EP stuck on repeat in my head... Its good food for thought and definitely not a bad song to have stuck. ENJOY...

IT'S A...

2009-12-29T13:18:00.000-05:00

GIRL!!!!!!!!

Her little face--sort of hard to see.

The classic "profile shot."

The doctor said that everything looks great and she is measuring perfect. My due date is still May 18th. We already have agreed on a name! Well, this will surely be an adventure.

Recent picts of Jordan!

2009-12-29T12:34:00.000-05:00

Jordan insisted that we put his gloves on, wrap a scarf around him, and put my sweater on him like a cape!

The dueling bears--one from Grandma White and the other from Grandma Hooker.

He's interested in helping with chores already...and we are totally okay with that!!!

Rocking Beary Doie.

Christmas time!!!

2009-12-29T12:29:00.001-05:00

Wes and I had a joyous Christmas holiday with a house full of family. Carolyn, Jim, Becca, Toby, Hannah, and Payton came up from Florida and braved the frozen north to be with us! We had a wonderful time. Here's some shots of the visit.

All three cousins together.

Becca got Wes a snuggie, and after much protesting, he agreed to try it on!

Papa helping Jordan with presents.

Mom, Hannah, Jordan and Dad unwrapping presents.

Hannah, Becca and Wes.

Toby holding Payton.

Wes opening the snuggie.

Adorable Hannah cheesing it up for the camera.

A prayer to start the day....

2009-12-23T19:55:00.000-05:00

My therapist Rick Landon asked me to pray this every morning... I'm finding myself moved more by this prayer than most I've ever read before. Thought you would enjoy it as well...

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

May you find peace any way possible this season... I know I'm looking.

~Wes

2009-12-14T12:04:00.001-05:00

The top picture is Wes trying his hat on Jordan and the scary thing is that it fits! The bottom picture is Jordan rocking Beary Doie in Wes's old rocking chair! Too cute!

It's done!

2009-12-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

Well guys and gals,

Wes and I both have now officially deleted our FB pages! Please check on us frequently! We will miss keeping tabs on all of you. We love you. I will post some pictures and a video of Jordan very soon!

Angela

Hey guys!

2009-12-12T11:03:00.000-05:00

Well, this is our first posting.

We have decided as a family to delete our respective facebook accounts. This is the best decision for us at this time.

Currently there is not a ton of new things to report. I (Angela) just finished up the semester and have a few more things to turn in until I am completely done. I have one January class at the end of Jan and then have cut back to 6 hours in the spring. I have decided that I let my life get too out of control and too busy. It is time to slow down, especially with a new baby on the way. School can wait--it will always be there to return to. For now, I will still work at Starbucks, but only part-time. I intend to spend the rest of my "free" time taking personal time for me, spending time with my husband, spending time with God, spending time with friends, and having fun. These are the things in my life that I have let slide for a year now, and consequences have followed. My goal is to become a more healthy individual.

We are contemplating moving, but for right now, we would stay in this immediate area. We would like to find a bigger house that had a bigger yard and less restrictions. We want to have a mini farm to grow a large garden on. We are also considering moving our chicken flock out to a private farm where there would be more space. These are all just being considered. We are not sure what the future holds.

Jordan is growing like a weed. He is a big boy! He is talking and learning new words, and is into everything. He started daycare a few weeks ago and has already been sick numerous times. He continues to be such a source of joy for us. It will be interesting to see what he is like as a big brother!

This season of our lives has presented us with intimidating challenges, but we are learning about the power of grace, prayer, and healing. We serve an awesome God who is able to do more than all we could ask or imagine (Eph. 3:20) and we rest secure in that knowledge. We love you all.